Break Time

I'm on a break. From acting. The thing I'm most passionate about in the world and I'm taking a self-inflicted mental break before I had a mental breakdown. It's amazing how little things can really get under your skin and make you doubt everything about yourself. I had an audition recently. I'm not there to brown nose you, not there to argue with you. I just want to go in say hello, do my thing and go home. I call this pleasant professionalism. Having said that, I had an encounter with someone who could potentially provide me with work recently. Said encounter did not go well. For whatever reason, their energy just did not mesh with mine. After doing the scene, they wanted to chit-chat. I don't do well with chit-chat. I like deep conversations. All the small talk that goes on in this world drives me nuts. Point being, you're not going to have a deep conversation in an audition situation. Ever. This is something I need to work on. Anywho, so the chit-chat started and this person just seemed insistent on making me as uncomfortable as possible. They wanted to know where I was from (ok, fair enough) and then launched into how hard it is to be an actor in LA (ummmm, DUH?) and just kept harping on that point. This person was just insistent on damaging my calm. What I should have done was reminded myself that they had just said that they had tried to be an actor. Operative word there being tried. We finished our chat and I got my feedback. I don't know if I was pms-ing or if the wind was blowing the wrong way or if the conversation we had strummed every insecure nerve in my body but I promptly came home and threw away the outfit I was wearing. Total drama right? Yeah, that's what I think too. I don't let things make me neurotic and I guess after almost 4 years in the trenches, it finally got to me. There's something about this industry that can make you feel like it's never enough. You're never enough. You're to tall, to short, not blonde enough, not skinny enough, not talented enough...it's always something. BUT those things can only bother you if you let them and I, unfortunately, let them. The break won't last forever, but a regrouping every now and then never did anyone any harm.